It was a simple stroke of luck that brought Pasha together with Chris Behrens. The Australian shepherd mutt, born on a dog-breeding farm near Athens, Ga., had been passed from owner to owner and was up for sale again in 1993. Twenty dollars later, she was on her way to Virginia and her new life with the 27-year-old farm worker. "She has almost a supernatural ability to know what I want her to do," he says. "She is very loyal and protective of me." Now the two live in Seattle, where Pasha walks cheerfully by Behrens's side without a leash and waits patiently by the door if he goes into a store. The dog's attachment is touching, even flattering, but Behrens is sure it reflects insecurity. "She has a very expressive face, and when I pack to go on a trip, I can tell she is worried."

Skeptics would say that Behrens is reading too much into his hound's behavior. But pet owners disagree. Not only do they believe their animals feel emotions; they say they know what their dog or cat feels based on even the slightest adjustment in head, eyes, tail, or mouth. "When she wants to go outside, she shakes her head with her tongue out," says Lydia Nichols, a 30-year-old from Washington, D.C., talking about Delilah, her 31/2-pound Yorkshire terrier. "When she wants to be picked up, she squats down, and when she's trying to get my attention, she'll make a sneezing noise."

Most dogs (and cats) communicate in more predictable ways, and animal behaviorists tend to agree that the more than 62 million dogs and over 64 million cats in the United States have owners who are generally good at reading their behavior. But the tendency to project the thoughts, motivations, and desires of people into animals can sometimes lead humans to the wrong conclusions about Fido's feelings. "Dogs that are treated as furry little people who ought to love and be grateful to us for the muffins [we bake] and the little birthday hats they are forced to wear, are not happy dogs," argues Stephen Budiansky in his new book, The Truth About Dogs. "They invariably suffer the consequences of our unrealistic expectations." Instead, Budiansky argues, both owners and pets do better when people understand animals to be the creatures they are, a dog descended from wolves or a cat descended from, well, wildcats.

The domestication of the animals we live with has taken place over thousands of years, but it is only in the past few centuries that pets have become so much a part of our daily lives. The roughly 400 breeds of dogs now have traits that humans deem desirable, such as loyalty, friendliness, and playfulness. Often associated with the more juvenile characteristics of wolves, this selective breeding has created a new type of animal, one that depends on a caretaker throughout its adult life. "A genetic shift has taken place," says Nicholas Dodman, author of the book Dogs Behaving Badly. "In a way, we have dumbed-down wolves to make them our pets." Dogs have also been bred to look young and helpless, with flatter faces than adult wolves, rounder heads, and floppy ears. Animals bred to stay forever young engender continuously strong feelings of love and nurturance from their owners, feelings that are biologically based. "Cuteness is actually a survival factor," says psychologist Stanley Coren of the University of British Columbia in his book How to Speak Dog, "making adults more protective and solicitous of the younger animals in their group." We feel about our dogs the way we do about our children, he says.

A kind of intimacy. Even an outside observer can see that the emotional bond between a pet and its owner is often very strong. Animals and humans who live together gaze into each other's eyes, cuddle on the sofa, and sleep together. Annie Frelich, a 37-year-old children's entertainer, lives with her partner, Stephen Whitman, their son, Jack, and four dogs in Putney, Vt. "Sometimes I prefer to be with the dogs," she says. "It's simply about touching and looking at each other. It's intimate really." On the flip side, when a pet dies the grief owners feel at the loss of their furry companion can be truly painful. Dave Janiga, who lives in Sterling, Va., says he cried every day for four months after the death of Goliath, his cat of 151/2 years. "It was probably the closest relationship I have ever had," he says. "I loved him, and I think he liked me a lot."

Since we can't actually ask our pets how they are feeling, we rely on their behavior and body language for clues. Janiga believes his cat liked him because the animal "followed me around and wanted to play with his toys with me." Dogs are considered to be more expressive than cats, though not necessarily more emotional. Wolves live in packs and have an elaborate system for social communication. Dogs have inherited this language and the ability to know their social standing, as wolves naturally rank themselves from the most dominant to the most subordinate in the group. Frelich's four dogs have established their own social order. Lubba, the large female husky/shepherd mix, is "the matriarch," she says, with the others falling in line down to Chico, a chihuahua, who plays the role of "little brother." "It is an amazing system to watch," Frelich says. "They really have a social life."

Dogs translate this social understanding to the human household and communicate with owners as they would other dogs. Often owners understand their dog's behavior correctly. A broadly wagging tail is in fact a flag of friendship, says Coren, and a toothy grin with the tongue hanging loosely from the front is indeed a smile. But what about licking, which most people assume is the equivalent of doggie kisses? Coren says that dogs use licking to communicate not only affection but also submission to an owner or a more dominant dog. "It says, `I'm a puppy, and you're not going to hurt me,' " Coren says. But, he adds, there is another, less charming explanation. Wolf puppies will often greet their mother who has returned from a hunt with exuberant face licking. Sure, they're glad to see her, but the real reason for this behavior is that it induces the mother to regurgitate the kill so the puppies can eat as well. "Very often when a dog is licking your face," Coren says, "what it is really saying is that it wants a snack."

Food ranks a close second to owner affection in the eyes of many a dog, and it is sometimes with the eyes that a pooch will try to score a bite to eat. Direct eye contact is a way dogs dominate each other, and they often use the same tactic to get an owner (or houseguest) to drop a morsel off the table. "We think the dog is feeling soulful or mournful" and we empathize, he says. "But really, it is thinking about being dominant."

Act of spite? Other behaviors and intentions can be easily misunderstood as well, says Kim Barry, an animal behaviorist in Austin, Texas. Urinating in the house, for example, is often thought to be a spiteful act of vengeance on the part of both cats and dogs. "I really don't think a cat or dog understands that if they urinate on something or chew it, that it will be ruined," says Barry. "I just don't think it is in their awareness."

But owners who come home to a soiled bed or carpet often do believe it to be an expression of animal anger. In his book, Is Your Cat Crazy?, John Wright, an animal behaviorist, describes a cat owner who insists that his cat sprays on his suitcase whenever he returns from traveling because the cat "hates it" when its owner is away from home. Wright says this is "too complicated a thought process" for a cat and that more likely the animal is responding to the new smells brought into the house from the recently traveled luggage. But sometimes it may be that the cat is, in fact, shaken by an owner's absence. "It could be a form of separation anxiety," says Katherine Houpt, professor and director of the animal behavior clinic at Cornell University College of Veterinary Medicine. "You should feel flattered that the cat only feels safe in your presence."

Despite their reputation as cold and aloof, cats do exhibit much of the same owner attachment as dogs. Marianne Merritt, a lawyer in Alexandria, Va., says her cat, Grover, whom she describes as "quiet, elegant, and sweet," wailed uncontrollably when he thought she had abandoned him when she moved. "I thought I would leave him behind for a few days until I got settled," she says. "But he yelled and yelled until I went back for him." The cat was happy in the apartment with all of the boxes, she says. "He just wanted to be with me."

Kittens who are socialized during the "sensitive formative period"--between two and seven weeks old--learn to be affectionate, says Wright. Cats are less domesticated than dogs, and if left alone in the early months can revert to a more wild and unfriendly state. But cats that are petted, talked to, and played with by humans are likely to bond with their owners. Pasha's Chris Behrens says that his cat Orangina frequently talks to him. "I don't know what she's trying to say, but she just wants to talk," he says. "And if I pay attention to her, she will keep on talking." In addition to this kind of conversing, there can be purring, rubbing, and lap sitting, all signs of contentment and affection, Wright says.

But even homebody cats retain a killer instinct. Descended from the African wildcat, house cats inherit predatory hard-wiring in their brains. Successful hunters will often bring a fallen mouse or bird into the house, which owners sometimes interpret as a gift. "Maybe the cat wants to share it with the family," as a mother cat would bring a recent kill back to the litter, says Wright. "Or maybe the cat is bringing it home as something to play with." Chatty Orangina recently caught and killed a bird, which she ate in front of Behrens while sitting on the dining room table.

Annie Frelich from Vermont never questions whether animals have emotions. Instead, she sees her dogs as guides for human feelings. "We learn something about love from our relationships with our pets," she says. "They teach people how to love openly." The bond between dog and human is revered by the monks at New Skete Monastery in Cambridge, N.Y., where German shepherds are bred and dogs of all breeds are trained. Brother Christopher, who runs the training program, says dogs can "sensitize a human to the magic of life, to see how wonderful life really is." He says there is "no question" that dogs have emotions. "But," he adds, "we have to be humble with what we think we know."

By S. Schultz